Never Split the Difference: How It Shaped My Design Career and Life

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss has made waves in business and personal development circles, offering negotiation tactics that can transform how we approach decision-making and communication. As a product designer, wife, mom, and a career-driven woman, I’ve found that the lessons from this book go far beyond high-stakes hostage negotiations. They are applicable to everyday life, from product design strategy to family interactions and self-care.

This book was actually recommended to me by my ex-manager Soumya, someone I no longer work with but whose influence still lingers in my approach to design and leadership. That experience taught me the importance of communication and negotiation in every aspect of collaboration — skills that continue to stay with me even after our time together.

Here are my top takeaways from the book and how they influence my life today:

1. Tactical Empathy: Listening to Understand, Not Respond

In product design, it’s all about the users. What are their pain points? What keeps them from achieving their goals? Never Split the Difference taught me the value of tactical empathy — deeply understanding where the other party is coming from before offering solutions.

As a Lead Designer at TrustCloud, empathy wasn’t just a buzzword, it was central to our approach. From AI-powered control suggestions to task management tools, understanding the user’s underlying needs was key to reducing friction and improving engagement.

Going forward, this empathy is something I’ll continue to refine — whether it’s designing seamless workflows, or understanding my family’s day-to-day needs. As a mom, I’ve realised it’s not about having all the answers right away for T; it’s about listening, understanding, and then responding thoughtfully. Empathy isn’t passive; it’s active, and it’s transformational in both design and my life.

2. The Power of “No”: Setting Boundaries

Chris Voss flips the script on traditional negotiation advice, arguing that hearing “No” can actually be a starting point for meaningful dialogue. This was a lightbulb moment for me.

In my career, whether working on AI solutions at TrustCloud or designing live sports fan experience on game days for Super Bowl, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly saying “yes.” Yes to new features, yes to tight deadlines, yes to additional scope. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is say “No” — because it creates space for deeper understanding and better solutions. I learnt this with time, it was not something I learnt right out the gate.

As a wife and mom, this also applies. Setting healthy boundaries, whether it’s at home or work, is not just about protecting my time but about creating room for the things that matter most. It’s about ensuring that when I say “yes,” it’s intentional and well-considered.

3. Mirroring: Echoing for Clarity

Mirroring is a subtle but powerful tool I’ve found invaluable in meetings and brainstorming sessions. Simply repeating the last few words someone says signals that you’re engaged and encourages them to elaborate. This technique has helped me uncover hidden insights, especially when trying to decode complex feedback from stakeholders.

When I was leading some efforts around workflow intelligence at TrustCloud with tools like Slack and Jira, mirroring allowed me to confirm requirements without causing friction or confusion. Some of these tools were new to me and getting all the information was key for its successful implementation. It’s a simple way to drive clarity, whether you’re dealing with engineers or your kids!

4. Labeling Emotions: Creating Safe Spaces

In the book, Voss suggests labeling emotions to help people feel understood. I’ve adapted this to product design, especially when presenting new concepts. Instead of immediately defending an idea, which I have done in the past, I’ve learned to label potential concerns: “It seems like you’re worried about how this feature impacts scalability.” This disarms potential objections and fosters open dialogue.

This technique doesn’t just work in the office. As a wife, labeling my partner’s emotions creates an environment where we both feel heard. For my child T, it helps her better understand her feelings and teaches emotional intelligence — skills that will last a lifetime.

5. The Accusation Audit: Acknowledging Fears Upfront

One of the most powerful lessons from Never Split the Difference is the “accusation audit” — the art of addressing potential objections before they come up. In product design, this means anticipating user fears and addressing them within the product experience. During my work at TrustCloud, particularly around compliance workflows for example, we anticipated users’ concerns about evidence requirements seeming too rigid. By acknowledging this upfront in our communications, we were able to build trust and reduce friction.

In my personal life, this translates into better communication with my family. By acknowledging the stress points before they escalate, I can navigate conversations in a way that defuses tension before it becomes conflict. This is something I am still working on.

Applying This as a Wife, Mom, and Career-Driven Woman

Each of these strategies isn’t just for negotiating high-stakes deals — they’re principles that work across every facet of life. Whether I’m guiding a design team, helping my child manage her emotions, or having a tough conversation with my partner, these techniques will help me stay grounded and allow me to communicate with clarity and compassion.

As I continue growing in my role in design, to nurturing my family, Never Split the Difference has reminded me that negotiation is not about being combative; it’s about fostering understanding and creating win-win scenarios. It’s about living with empathy, intentionality, and the courage to say “No” when it matters most.

So, whether you’re designing products, raising children, or negotiating your next career move, remember: you don’t have to split the difference. You can aim for more — because when you truly listen, understand, and engage, you get closer to what you and others really need.

I’m excited to see how these lessons continue to shape both my personal and professional journey.

Let me know if this resonates with your experiences too! Feel free to reach out if you want to chat about balancing it all: career, design, and life. 🌱